I have one night off this week. It is tomorrow night. It will be spent doing a job application. Woo hoo! Work! Yeah those things take hours but I feel like I've been given a second chance at the application because I thought it was due Sunday or Monday night and I had missed it. It's a Research Assistant at the Coroner's Court. It would be great to get into and get those research skills I need AND it also deals with policy which in the long term is where I want to direct my working life.

Two days in a row I have given cashola to the homeless. In response I'd love my bag returned that I left on the train with all items still in said bag. I know it's not going to happen. What an effing idiot I was. Not thinking, half asleep. I KNOW that when I get a thought in my head I have to do it straight away otherwise I forget. Like putting my bag between my feet, not stuck under the aisle seats. Idiot! I thought I'd put a medical referral letter in the bag too, which is a bit detailed and not something I want a complete stranger looking at or posting around goodness knows where. I found it tonight at home. PHEW! That was a huge relief.

Christmas is next week. I was thinking on the weekend I should send my dad a Christmas card and question if he is still alive in it. Then I thought, hang on a minute, I sent him a birthday card and I got NO REPLY. I didn't even get a birthday card from him when it was MY BIRTHDAY two weeks later. Why do I need to chase this man? Keep waving myself in his face via a card? What's it going to do or achieve? It's what I do with men who aren't interested in me. Fuck on that. No more. It takes a lot to walk away. I'm sure that when he does die, or when I find out he's died or dead I may have regrets. Perhaps I'm being petty and selfish. Perhaps I'm just being honest with myself. I'm not going to put myself out there AGAIN for no response just so I can feel shit and say to myself 'see it just proves I'm right, he doesn't care'. Maybe he doesn't. Don't think about it, don't dwell on it. I have people in my life who care about me and show me that they do. Why do I want someone who doesn't.