All I keep thinking about is my photography. Although what sort of shoots I have in my mind and how I want them to look is how the professionals would shoot them. I don't even know how to use my new flash!!! Yep got the baby today along with my new reflector stand. I just need to buy a reflector now. Minor detail. I bought those two items on Wednesday and one came on Friday, the other one today. I'm still waiting on my bowler hat from China I bought 8 days ago..... where is my Charlie Chaplin hat mofo's.


I phoned up today about the PSC course. I have an appointment next Monday. It won't hurt to check it out. I keep thinking I'll be spending more money on my photography and will never earn a cent from it but I won't know unless I try and continue to practice. I was surprised how well my photos from the rod show turned out. I had a lot of trouble metering so looking at the results on my computer I have to say I'm rather pleased with them.

I had a really lovely time at the rod show and selling things is not that easy! I'm not very good in the display side of things and Sam had the tshirts looking great after my terrible pile of them. But I did enjoy the random hellos and talking to people, it gets me out of my shell a little bit and forces me to be the first person to say something to someone else. I always wait for someone else to say something to me first because I always think another person couldn't care less about what I have to say. Silly I know.

I met this guy who was showing his rod. It was more of a truck with a flat bed tray. Really beautiful. Anyway I just asked him if the tray could be lifted. We got talking and he had a serious motorbike accident 11 years ago. He was in a coma for 2 months, he lost the lower part of his right leg (I hadn't even noticed until he showed me), his left hand had to be re-attached! Really serious stuff. He's on painkillers every day. Amazing resilience. He loves building cars. I was really inspired that a guy who nearly lost his life and came so close to it, lost his wife, is in constant pain every day still has the focus to do something he loves. I moan that I don't have someone in my life every fortnight to do something with or just go to sleep next to when I have EVERYTHING ELSE and so much more than what my friends have. And here's a guy who just keeps on going.

I want to get really good with my photos. I want someone to look at my photos and be inspired as I look at professionals and go 'wow, I wish I could shoot like that'. A photo that tells a story. Mine don't tell stories. I'm not at that level yet but I want to be. My problem is I want it to be really soon, realising that all this takes years to accomplish. I even thought of repainting the back room all white to use as a mini studio.

Work sucks. I am so unmotivated to do anything. Sure I can do things like file mountains of paper or archive mountains of files. Wow, how challenging and mind blowing. Yawn. The quality of work sucks balls. I'd rather suck balls. Ones I like of course ;) Oh that's just wrong, seriously, get your mind out of the gutter. Gross.

Yeah, I keep going to bed and waking up wanting you next to me. It's so boring sleeping alone all the time. B.O.R.I.N.G.