Right now I feel like shit. I just want to cry. I just want the hurt and the pain to go away. Go away and return with a bright sunny warm day filled with love and laughter and green grass soft and thick enough to lie down on with a warm freeze to filter the air.

I'm hurting for someone who is going through hell. I don't even know if I have a right to. What is my pain compared to theirs? Isn't it just selfishness on my part? It's definitely a lack of control. Having no control. Maybe I should go listen to Bad Religion (they have a song.. it's called No Control....). It's a bloody good song too.

I'm also so mad at myself. Actually, not me. That fucker who pops up at his convenience to taunt me. Again. What power you (think you) wield. You contact me. Yet you block me so I have no recourse of responding. Not that I would. But it's your way of still having power. Of being controlling and manipulative. Just fuck off will you. I don't care about you, I don't think about you, I don't wonder what you are doing with your life, if you are with someone or not. In fact I do wish you were with someone. Totally and utterly crazy in love with someone. That way you wouldn't even think about me or feel the need to contact me. To remind me of your existence. I don't give a fuck about your existence. I don't wish you any ill will. But just fuck off and leave me alone will you. I don't know whether your motives are kind hearted or black hearted. You're not doing yourself any favours by continuing to contact me randomly over the years. If you left me alone FOREVER it would work immensely in your favour. Your contact is tiresome and boring. So please, just go away.