I can't upload YouTube from my phone. MF

My song for today is the Stones and 'Miss You' because it's awesome and I love it.

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I have a suspicion about something but I could be completely wrong and I'm dearly hoping to be wrong.

There's just one thing I need to do. Not yet. But shortly. For once and for all.

I'm not going to go through life not knowing.

And so it goes.... around..... around.... around

Merry go round and round

I thought I knew

Now I know

Don't stop believing

All it does is create an expectation that cannot be met.

So I found out today that what I had been hoping for and holding out for is not available. I was offered a substitute, I declined.

So back to square one. Back to feeling like I'll never get out if where I am.

Two down.

And is it what I really want? Probably not. I just know I can do it and do it well. But I was using it as an escape. It's not really where I want to be or what I want to do.

One of my work colleagues told e they are leaving to go to the bar next year. All the friendhips i've made are disappearing with people leaving. Blegh. When will it be my time to start a new journey?


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So tell me why?

Why is it that something that feels so right seems to feel wrong. No matter how good it feels at the time, how right it feels, when the daylight comes the illusion is broken and nothing but stark reality remains.

I'm really missing my mum. I booked a lunch at Movida today for her and me when she gets back. At Hosier Lane too which I've not been to yet. Aqui does not do lunches. Shame cos it rocks. She'll crack it saying a) it's a waste of money; and b) it's too fancy for her. Yeah sure. Just wait till she tastes those scallops with jamon, the beef cheek and two other dishes we'll have. Mmmmmm

I went to an Intrepid info night this evening. The topic was volunteer travel. I'd like to do something like that. Give something back. But I think I'd like to do a wildlife one the most. The lions would be amazing and I'd also like to do one with the monkeys and there's one in Argentina where you nurse back to health injured wildlife. Obviously I need to work out when (or if) Holidays at Uni are to fit in a trip. I'd only be able to do 2 weeks too most likely.

Haven't been thinking about Saturday a lot. I'll be nervous as all hell on the day but for now it's kind of out of my mind. I'm hoping to catch the parade tomorrow. I had someone giving me shit at work today. I gave it straight back and was then accused of being 'fired up'. Pffft. Don't give me shit if you can't take me giving you shit back.

I love my dog. He's super awesome.

I aint missing you at all, since you've been gone

I miss my mum. This is the longest we've ever gone not speaking to each other. Don't know how I'll cope when she really is gone for good. I hope she's enjoying her travels and being open minded about her new experiences.

Saturday still doesn't feel real.

I'm intrigued by Dreams.

I'm so tired. I still feel slightly vomitous.

9.02pm and it's way past my bed time. Will get results by end of this week. I already know my increased dose is too low.

I have to wait until mid to late October for my SCU results. I'm accepted into UNE but I want SCU. Their subjects are way cooler and more interesting and I think I could do better at SCU.

It's going to be hard.

Please sir, I want some more

Sunday's are my relaxation days. I don't like to do too much that way the day seems to go for longer before I have to go to sleep and get up for work in the morning.

So on my Sunday's I like to spend a bit of time cooking food. It's usually the only day of the week that I'm a surety to eat dinner, aside from Monday's pizza.

I've 'discovered' a fabulous new salad that is so simple. It's a Spanish salad and all it is is tomato, parsley, red onion and roasted capsicum with a dressing of olive oil, red wine vinegar and salt&pepper. Soooo good, so fresh. I've added my own ingredient of bocconcini to it for extra taste and texture.

I also made a vegetarian torte - an Italian recipe for lunch this week.

Last night was awesome. I'm too tired to go into the whole thing but after not really feeling up to going and just wanting to stay home I told myself that I couldn't let my friends down and especially after Sam and Nadyne had put my name on the door list, so just get ready and go.

I had the best time. Keren is here for a visit from London and it was so great to see her. Fingers crossed she can make pizza. The boys were there too, all of them. I haven't seen them for a few years maybe so it was really cool to see them again. It made my night. It made me think a lot also. I'm happy where I am. I'm where I'm going. And I'm happy being on my own. I don't know that I'll ever be able to be with anyone. Again. When i think about it, I don't want constant. I don't want it to be always. It freaks me out too much.

Or maybe I just need to sort out those fears. I think it just scares me too much. So I run away from it before it's even there. I set up the wall, before anyone can even try and break it down and hurt me.

So tired

I've had such a good week. I haven't had a week like this since, well I can't recall.

Monday dinner with Sam was just awesome, I really enjoyed it and having that one on one girl time was really great. I get a lot of strength from Sam, she is my strength. All my girls give me something amazing from themselves that I'm sure they don't even realise and I'm so grateful to them for giving a piece of themselves to me. It makes me learn and grow within myself.

Monday night chatting to Nica before sleepy time was really great too. She understands a lot of things and even if I'm being stupid about things she still supports me and she'll just tell me I'm being stupid which is what I want.

Drinks and dinner with Rach on Wednesday night. I felt like I'd been neglecting her. So it was great to catch up and laugh silly over some things.

Lunch with Gabby on Thursday was a surprise. I had training but I cancelled it. Hello, my friends are way more important to me. She knows what I'm going through and can see a difference in me. I miss her not being at work but I love it when she calls. I answer the phone and then all I hear is 'chickkkeeeennn!' and I laugh silly. So that made my day.

Hearing from Blair too was really cool. I must reply! Ah the old days. Of me and the boys and gigs every week. Me, just one of the boys. Those were great times. What happened? We all grew up. But it's nice some of us are still in touch.

Footy last night was.... I haven't even digested it yet. It was unreal. I'm so tired today. I expelled so much energy at the game. I'm surprised I haven't lost my voice. It was so much fun. It was great to be there celebrating with my friends. Wow. We've made another Grand Final. I feel pretty good about it but you never know on the day. I'm going to enjoy this week and soak it up and fingers crossed I'll be celebrating next Saturday night.

And then it all comes crashing down

Why does this happen? I had an awesome night last night. Despite feeling rotten and not wanting to go anywhere I went to the gig. I didn't want to let anyone down not that they would have missed me if I wasn't there anyway. I had a great night. For the most part I never know what to say to people so I'm always quiet. And sometimes my brain is just 'on' and I'm on fire. So last night was an 'on' night. Loved the bands, really enjoyed myself. Chatted to some new people and all of a sudden the back was closing and we had to move to front bar. But where were my friends. Fuckers had bailed on me and didn't even say goodbye or look for me to say goodbye! How rude! I thought it was funny that for once I was last to leave.

But today being here it all has gone downhill. And now it's that mood of hollowness and hopelessness that it will forever be like this with no chance of change or escape.

I should be grateful for everything I do have. And I am. But it's like a switch in my head that just flicks automatically and bang! I plummet to lowness


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Happy hump(dy dumpty) day

So I was going to post all this Boooorrrrriiinngg stuff and when I got on the train I realised it was all just shit. A whole stack of young kids (ie 15/16 year olds) got on the train at Jolimont. Loud little critters. Closer to my station a bunch of them sat in the seats with me. One girl was such a cute lil thing, I randomly mixed with the kids, giving one of them my read Mx and telling them about the Mx (they thought people bought them and then left them on the train after they'd read them), and that the cute lil girl shouldn't listen to the others giving her shit about Collingwood. Go Pies!. I got off the train and I could hear the 3 remaining ones say 'she was really nice'... I just laughed to myself. But it was nice.

Drinks and dinner with Rach was great. I've been feeling really neglectful of her and I'm best at doing catch ups after work when it's not planned. That way I'm more into it - in my mind - than planned when I'm tired and just want to go home. So it was ace. Wonton Mee at Nudel Bar is soooo delicious. Those noodles... mmmmmmm yummy's.

So my experiment.... the bunsen burner is burning, a slow burn. We'll see if it actually cooks or ignites anything. Really, it's just a bit of fun.

So frigging broke and I've just been paid. So it'll be another month of no money.

Anxiously waiting to hear from Southern Cross if I get into Uni. One of my friends at work wants me to get into UNE because he thinks it's a better Uni, which I'm sure it is. I reckon SC is like the Broadmeadows equivalent of Uni but they have the best subjects!

I made a proposition today to a work colleague about the possibility of me working for them. They loved my idea. So I'll float it tomorrow with the 'powers that be' and throw it in the mix and see what happens. I know I can do a really good job and I'd like the opportunity to do it.

So really good week so far. Really hoping M, C & K can come Saturday night too. I haven't hung out with them in this sort of setting for a while and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm getting out my gorgeous red wineish coloured Swing dress for the occasion. Maybe my stole and long black silk gloves for my arms. Sexy! The outfit, not me lol.

I've just realised I've eaten all of my sicilian olives. I had about 20 in one go last night. Addiction is never a good thing. I think I could get addicted to things really easy, so I just stay away from things so it doesn't happen. That's the truth too. If I was given free reign..... yeah, it's good that I'm not.

What to say...

Work is going well, I seem happier, makes me wonder whether I want to leave. But it's the people making it better. That's all. I also find it quite odd, intriguing and even sad that someone I don't really know that much can have so much of an effect on me. A good one. Just seeing their smiling face every odd day makes me happy. Stupid. Really stupid.

I'm watching Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist... I really like it. Soppy romantic shite. I'd like someone to just hold my hand. Haha.

Friends = awesome. Dinner with Sam last night was really cool. Hearing from BK after forever made me happy too. The days of the boys and me. Gigs every week. Nica's call last night was ace. Right when I was brushing my teeth in my pj's. *Love to that*

Looking forward to Saturday but kind of apprehensive. I'm going to feel like an interloper. Like a pretender being somewhere I shouldn't be, or trying to fit in with the cool kids. I don't know why. Me being stupid I guess. I wish you could come with me, it would be so much fun!

The more I read of Night Watch the more I'm enjoying it.

Lying the sun today at lunch, I just wanted to drift away into my fantasy land and sleep. So warm.

So disappointed

I'm still sick. One week later. I feel worse today than I did a week ago.

I'm so disappointed. I was so looking forward to tonight. I've been looking forward to it for months actually. Even when I was overseas I had tonight in my calendar. And if I go, I'll be a wet blanket with no energy and no fun and will just make myself more worse. I hate it. I really wanted to see my friends. And see them play.

I made some roasted potatoes with roasted garlic (mmmmmmm yummy) with goats cheese and quince paste mixed in.

I've watched 2 episodes of Spirited, Claudia Karvan's new show on W on Fox. I think it's my new favourite show. It's funny and it's beautiful, watching these two characters who are just opposites get to know each other, really get to know each other and come together. I wish I had the opportunity to do that. That's what I want. If you have the time. Which you don't. It'll probably take a couple of years instead.

I want to make a quilt for Sam. So this weekend I'm going to find a pattern and add some personal touches and try to start cutting the fabrics at least.

I wish I could spend the whole week at home in my pajamas, eating food, drinking wine and just being creative. Read, watch interesting and rewarding programs and make creative things. Hang with my dog. I pulled out Buckley's old bed and put an old doona on it and he's been sitting and sleeping on it today. That makes me happy. I miss Buckley. He was such a good dog.

and then it all comes crashing down

Despite still being sick and not really feeling up to I made my way to the John Curtin last night. I had a ball! By nature I'm an introverted person. Half the time I never know what to say to people, I never really learned the art of conversation. But last night I was 'on'. Not lost for words. The bands were awesome. I had a great time. But my friends left me! For the first time I was last left and they'd bailed.

And today.... I crashed. Again. I was fine. Until I started thinking about how much I hate my job and how half the stuff I do I just don't want to do. And then I just plummeted. Into that hopeless state. Where it feels like it's never going to end, it's always going to be like this and no matter how much everything else is great in my life and no matter how much just thinking about what awesome friends I have, I can't get past the utter hopelessness of hating what I do.

And you know what. I'm damn good at what I do. I have a highly respected position. I (finally) get paid very well, I'm respected by my colleagues, I have great working relationships with those around me and in other groups, I'm allowed to be who I am and have raspberry in my hair in a corporate environment (it's not that corporate anyway), I'm diligent, efficient, effective, and I'm good at what I do. I just detest the menial, boring, mundane, uninteresting, non-challenging, repetitive, bland things I do. I don't to file anymore, I don't want to check emails anymore, I don't want to do e-filing anymore, I don't want to archive anymore, I don't want to spend a week doing billing anymore, I don't want to see paper or deal with paper anymore, I don't want to make up more folders and update indexes, I don't want to do courier forms, affidavit of service forms, cheque forms, photocopy request forms, any fucking form!, I don't want to arrange any more international conference registrations, accommodation, flights, folders of information for these conferences which entails hours of trawling through emails and printing off information, sorting it, putting it in a folder and making an index. Arranging lunches, emailing clients to arrange lunches or coffee or whatever. I don't want to do the Amex reports every month and list all my lawyers expenses. I DON'T WANT TO.

I WANT TO USE MY BRAIN. I WANT TO THINK. I WANT TO LEARN. I WANT TO BE CHALLENGED. I WANT TO THINK CRITICALLY AND ANALYTICALLY AND ASK QUESTIONS.

I did start a mini Hoff revival in the office though. I do have wonderful people I work with. But I do feel lonely. I don't have a lunch buddy anymore, I don't have someone to go to to vent my shit. Sometimes I feel alienated.

And today when I felt like shit, when it all felt like it was closing in again on me, when I had to tell myself to not cry, to stop welling up tears in my eyes, there is NOTHING wrong, all I wanted was to see you. I miss you. And not in a way you might think. Just having you there was always a help. Even if we barely spoke for a whole day. You were right there. And then hearing your voice today just made it all feel better. It didn't go away but I had a glimpse of feeling better, even for a short while. Don't misinterpret any of this, you just make me feel good is all. You always know when I'm not quite right. Just like I know when you're not quite right.

I think I should have an early night. Geeling is killing Freo. We'll play the Cats next week and I'll be petrified. We are so close to it. We've never been so close to it.

Today was really good, but kind of weird.

My friends rock my world. Just little things that mean all the difference to me.

I'm still sick. I shouldn't be going out tomorrow to the gig but I'll go anyway. Not sure if I'll make Saturday. See how I feel. I've got about 50 pages left of my book. Need to finish it tonight.

Two nights in a row without dinner. I'm so hungry. I need someone to take care of me. Ha!

Lunch was um, I don't know. Do I make you uncomfortable? Feel awkward? Nervous? Like you shouldn't be talking to me? I hope not. It's not my intention. You just make my days better, that's all, with your always smiling happy face.

So there's rumours Subaru are going to unleash a new vehicle soon. It could possibly be an STi version of the Forrester. Did you know that a piece of shit Toyota RAV4 V6 (hey I drove a 83 Corolla for my first car, I loved it, I also drove a Camry Wagon for years, sure they're good cars but NO MATCH FOR A MIGHTY SUBARU) which is cheaper yes, but hello, it's not a Subi, it's AUTOMATIC (how do you drive a V6 AUTO- GIVE ME A MANUAL!!!!!!), no Boxer engine but it has an output of just over 200kw. 200!!!!! Fuck Me. That's power. It's more than a Rex FFS. Something wrong with that I tells ya. Mind you, I'd love to see who could go quicker on a 1/4 mile the fastest.

Oh reminds me, I 'dragged' off a commodore the other day going into Diamo maybe? I took off faster and we were coming to a merge, me on the left, them on the right. I looked over to them and the nose of the Commodore was right at my driver's door. I pushed on, I wasn't going to slam on my brakes to let them through, I was first off the line, I have the privilege and right to go first. Plus it's damn dangerous for me to do that - cause for an accident right there. I pushed on and they backed off to let me go otherwise we would have crashed into each other. Fuck I was good. Good driving that is. Guys just get real pissed when they get taken by a girl.

Oh and what is this shit about Dob In A [insert whatever you want here]. This State is turning into a police state - already is. Weber was right calling Victoria a nanny state. Soon they call for a curfew.

I wish I hadn't fucked up. I wish I could know what it would have been like with if I hadn't got sick. I still look at photos of you, like I did tonight and swoon. Tall, dark, handsome with your shaved hair, docs and tshirt. Doing your own thing. I've always compared every guy to you. You're not perfect but you were to me. I'm sure you're real happy with your girl now. I want you to be happy.

I'm sorry I was such a fuck up. It's my one regret. I'm sorry I didn't trust. Myself. To be good enough for you.

You looked so good in that photo from school days. Exactly who I fell in love with back then and then again 15 years later. I don't think I ever stopped. You'll always be in my heart even though were not right for each other. I loved you like I've never loved before.
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I just had a lightsaber dual in my lounge room and my dog is going nuts!

Yep, playing lightsabers on my own, it's sad I know but damn it's fun!

I was a bit naughty playing funny buggers today at work. But gee it was funny. Especially the story about a 3 day bender on LSD. Hahahaha. No it wasn't LSD really, it was pseudoephydrene (or however it's spelled), but geez did I have fun with that story. And no it was not my story.

I've nearly finished Jasper Jones, I cannot express how much I love this book. I love this book!

What makes me happy is making other people happy.

A funny thing happened on the train that made me laugh. I got on at Spencer Street and made my way through the legs to the end seat next to the window opposite some young guy who had his feet on the seat I was about to sit down onto. His shoes were those real cool black/white old school 40/50's type shoes (I can't recall what they are called but you know what I mean?). As I sat down he looked at me, saw I had a book in my hand and smiled at me. I think I smiled back. I put my daggy Coles bag under the seat and kind of hit his legs whilst I did it. Another smile from the guy. He seemed maybe 24 but knowing my luck (ie having a thing for men younger than myself) he could have been 20. Dressed in black jeans, those cool shoes, a red shirt with black jacket over the shirt. He had a beard that went down his neck but trimmed and nice (something about unshaven men that is just yum! - men, don't shave please, you are so much hotter this way - or maybe I just prefer neanderthals? No, no I don't) and not some horrid orange colour, but a dark blonde/real light brown colour, like my coffee table). Necklaces tucked under his shirt, a bracelet of glass balls with silver throughout on the left hand and nails that were bitten right down on both hands. Yes I study people in detail if I find them interesting. These details are important. He had a green hat on, kind of felt in texture with black braids around the rim. He looked what appeared to have a longer fringe/hair on top with shorter bits at the side that I could see. His lips were full and nice, not thin and stringy. He had nice eyes, maybe they were blueish? He was reading a book and he had those big 80's headphones on that my dad used to have that I'd listen to his records through when I was a kid. He was bopping away and mouthing lyrics. I like that. Someone who isn't afraid to let themselves go in public. I do that on the train myself and love it when I see other people doing it too. So he packs his book away and gazes out the window. When we come to Fairfield he gets his bag and smiles at me. He walks out of the seats towards the doors and looks back at me. I'm looking right at him. He smiles, I smile. He exits the train. I think the whole thing is hilarious so I follow him out with my gaze. He looks back into the train, sees me looking and pokes his tongue out like Gene Simmons and does a /m\sign to me but showing the fist of his hand, not the back of his hand. I laugh. I love random shit like that, it makes me laugh and smile.

So there's my randomness for the day.

Thanks to the beautiful Sam for your message. You are so selfless you are amazing. I wish I had your strength, you are my strength.

*Love*

I can smell you on the breeze. Your scent, I can smell it but I can't see you.

Today is The most perfect day to be at yhe beach. On the sand looking out across the vast ocean, listening to the waves crashing. The water would be too icy to swim but i'd still tempt myself and go in as far as I could untill my body was numb to the core.

Rose, you are the best. I love you.

Fuck I can still smell you! What is with that?

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A. I'm confused.

B. I really hate it when other people are so selfish they put their shit onto my friends who then feel like they've done something wrong when they haven't. Makes me want to punch them (selfish people) in the face.

C. My experiment seems to be collecting old boots from an ocean floor, not a prized fish.... or even a fish.

D. I really hate myself sometimes and the way my mind works. I'm an over thinker and an over analyser. It sucks balls.

E. Still sick. Not looking forward to going back to work.

F. I love spooning with my dog.

G. WHERE THE HELL IS MY PARCEL POST!!!! I WANT MY FRIGGIN T-SHIRT. YESTERDAY!

I have achieved absolutely nothing I wanted to achieve this weekend. Being sick sucks balls.

Oh I made it to footy and that's it. I felt crapola the entire time. The lawn did not get mowed, the house is a mess, I haven't even done food shopping or any washing. I could barely even read my book yesterday. I've hardly eaten as there's little food and I have no energy. I'm not going to work tomorrow, If I do I'll just make myself worse. I do it every time. I'll feel guilty for not being there but I need to get better FAST.

Because I'm bored I just did something totally random and stupid. I'm in one of my 'I just don't give a fuck' moods.

Can I just say how good are Sweet Spiced Gherkins. Damn they are so good. My mum came over today bearing cold and flu tablets for me. She said that I always loved gherkins, that I got it from eating it at her old man's house when I was little. All that Ukranian food I reckon. I really want to go there, to the Ukraine and see what it's like. I'd also like to learn more about that side of my family because I know very little. But gherkins, I love them. And rollmops. Damn they are so divine. But so expensive.

Hot Pies, Cold Drinks, Chocolate Bars

I am still sick. Blegh.

I joined the library today and borrowed The Night Watch. I'm just over halfway done with Jasper Jones which I am truly loving and keep recommending to all and sundry who will listen to me.

Steve surprised me and came over today which was awesome. So I listened to all he had to tell about his and Nic's trip and it sounded really great. That was really nice.

I made my way to footy. I felt like utter shit. But I couldn't not go. It's finals. I got drenched in the down pour at Clifton Hill waiting at the lights to cross over and then run to the station in the rain. Footy was awesome. Real cute boy on the train to Clifton Hill. His mate was hilarious and really funny - he got us all singing the Collingwood theme song. That was fun on a packed train full of Pies supporters. This cute kid with his mum in front of me kept looking at me and then he'd smile. He was 7 or 8. I asked him who his favourite player is. His mum and I were going through players and when I said 'Travis, what about Travis" and he said 'Travis'. I love Clokey. He gets a bit of a bad wrap for his kicking but he's a superstar and that goal he kicked on the boundary I knew was a shoe-in. He's a boy in a man's body and he's so damn strong, his marking is exceptional, his efforts are fantastic. Probably should have gone to Northcote Social Club to follow the cute boy on the train but I went home.

Disappointing a friend is not being a friend. I don't want what you think I want from you.

Some woman had a go at me on the train because I'd yelled at the Metro people. They announced it was an Epping train yet the front of the train said 'Greensborough'. Someone asked the Metro station person who was talking to the driver what line train it was. The Metro train person said they didn't know, they were trying to find out. I turned as I was walking on the train and yelled 'How hard is it?'. The woman then had a go at me saying 'It's not their fault'. I thought she was being sarcastic , so I said 'Oh yeah it's never their fault'. She came back with 'It's not so don't yell at them'. I replied 'How hard is it to run a train line'. She said 'those two out there aren't running it'. Oh fuck off. Clearly this woman only gets the train for football and not every day. Metro are fucking hopeless. The trains are never on time, they are continually late, delayed, cancelled. Every single one. Morning and night. And as for footy... geez I have to jump the fence every single week to get onto the platform because it takes so long for a train to get to Jolimont, then we stand there crammed like sardines for 5 minutes before the train leaves and if I'm not lucky enough to get the first train I have to wait 10 minutes for the next train. It's bullshit. With Connex you'd have 3 trains in 5 minutes post footy, free flowing and less congestion on the footbridges and not long waiting. Now you get 1 train in 10 minutes. So if I want to have a go, I damn well will. I'm paying for a shit service every single day.

That's my whinge.

WE MADE A PRELIMINARY FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now we just have to win it. Go Freo.

Last night was ace. I had such a great time. It was so nice to bring some yummy snacks and dinner over and reciprocate the fine hospitality I had been bestowed with previously.

Unfortunately whilst driving home I felt the onset of sickness. Just like that! Today I woke up feeling crapola. My throat was so sore to swallow. Now at 8.37pm my head aches, my nose is becoming blocked on one side and the other side is slightly runny. My throat hurts still and I have to breathe through my mouth. Away with you sickness. I do not want you.

I wanted to hold my gaze longer but was scared so I looked away.

I dreamt of you the other morning. I kissed you and you reciprocated. It was a 3 time kiss and when you kissed back I felt a warmth move like liquid inside my chest. It felt so nice. It was only a dream and not reality.

I am totally enthralled with the book I am reading - Jasper Jones. I love it.

I'm excited yet nervous about footy. There is so much expectation.

I have really lovely people I work with.

I wish I could have made one of my dearest friends feel better today and take away her pain and heartache. I hate feeling so helpless when there is nothing I can do but just be there. Sometimes for me that isn't enough. I would take your pain and bear it myself, just to make you feel better.

My head hurts. I can't breathe properly. My back hurts. I'm hungry. But today was good.

I laughed hysterically to myself at the HOFF pictures I was looking at. And then was laughing stupidly at this guy's name I was sending a letter to. Oldham. Old Ham. He's an Old Ham. I thought it was hysterical. And that's all that matters.

Thank you for your random love. It means the most. It can be a defining moment in a day. Love to you. xox

I love the blossom trees. In the morning sun watching the pink petals fall delicately to the ground.


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