I've been thinking about going back into my 'specialty' that I can do hands down. Was seriously thinking of it. Applied for one position but was too late and they'd already made an offer to someone. There's another one going - plaintiff, but it's assisting a Senior Associate. Honestly, that's a step down from where I'm at. I was at that point 6 years ago. Hell, I was at that point longer than 6 years ago. And really, when I was thinking about it today, do I really want to go back to that constant client contact and phone calls of chasing medical reports and going around and around and around. What I loved about my last job was having the freedom to work on the files and have control and just 'run' them in my own way and let the lawyers do the legal side of things. The client contact is part of what killed it for me. Do I really want to take a step back? It's like a qualified doctor going back to being an intern. For what purpose? I'm beyond it all, it won't be a challenge and I'll just be swearing at the phone every time it rings saying 'oh fuck off and let me do my job' or 'who rings at this hour?'.
So I feel like I'm lucking out. I feel trapped with nowhere to go. I can't get a foot in the door in public sector. I tried, I fucked up my interview and now it'll be on record against my name every time I apply for a govt job. There's a great job going as a prison transfer review person. I would love something like that. But I told myself, don't bother wasting your time spending 6 hours on an application that they'll just reject and you won't even get an interview. I have no understanding or knowledge of the prison system or its legislation that is needed to be applied and I don't have a degree in criminal justice. I feel like I'm going nowhere. I'm stuck with no way out. Going back to PI is a step backwards unless I'm actually running the files as a lawyer (not qualified yet, hell haven't even been accepted yet as I haven't even put in my application). So that's out. Don't really want to be a PI assistant again - been there, done that. And working for anyone who is not a partner is a step backwards. I can do it, I'm damn good at what I do but could I do it again? I keep thinking the only option for me is to work for Maria again, but that may not be possible. She needs another 2 on board in order for me to stay on the wage I'm on.
I just don't know what to do with myself. I really don't. I'm so looking forward to studying. I just need to be accepted. I'm confident I can pay my fees up front each semester to avoid another HECS debt (and thus reduce the amount in my pocket each wage as I won't be taxed higher to re-pay any HECS) AND I'm confident I can save enough to go to Russia, the Ukraine and Budapest next year in Uni holidays in October. It'll be more sacrificing financially but I'm pretty sure I can do it. Once I set my mind on something I get very determined and pretty much nothing stops me. Tell me I can't do something and I'll do it just to prove someone wrong. I'm very stubborn when I want to be.
So what to do, what to do? Maybe I will apply for the prisoner transfer reviewer position. Can't hurt. What's another rejection. Yes, yes I need to be more positive. Like I've said, I'm stubborn when I want to be and I persist until I know I've tried my hardest. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out. At least i've tried.
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