I feel dejected and rejected. I cannot shake this feeling and I'm really sick of it. Whoever you are, powers that be of Life, I was doing so well. You know this. You saw how happy I was. How, for the first time, I was finally ME. You saw all this and what did you do? You found the cloaked figure and put me back in the ring with it. To punch me down, down, down. I keep getting up on my feet, I'm fighting back but it's a repetitive boxing match. No one is winning. It's just the same. Stagnant. Flat. Unfeeling. Sadness.

AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF FEELING LIKE THIS!

I am trying and trying to get out. I get nothing but nothing - no replies, or a rejection. I cannot do this. I just cannot. I wake up with no joy. I spend the day breathing no joy. I go to sleep with no joy. Why have you taken it away from me? I am sick of being tested. Just let me be happy and let me stay happy.

In answer to your question you are trying to teach me or have me learn I just don't have the answer ok. I just don't know how to answer it. I know you are doing this to force me and until I do understand and acknowledge these things you won't relent. I just don't know ok. I don't know what to say. I don't know what the words are. I don't know how to feel that. I can feel everything else, but that. It has eluded me my whole life. I'm trying to figure it out but I need someone to tell me. I just need to be told.