I've just arrived home to a clear sky and bright full moon. I love full moons. Not so much the crazy effects they can have at times but visually I love them. They make me smile every time.

It's interesting (?) (for want of a better word) how the brain works. I'd like to learn more about it to be honest. Why someone can feel so great and positive and happy and then BAM! feel so helpless and sad and lost a short while later.

I'm becoming human again. Feeling real emotions. It's slightly scary yet comforting. To feel 'real' again. I have immense guilt and feel so selfish. That I'm not entitled to feel how I feel, it's not me going through this hell. My feelings are just a by product of the hell. I feel so shit. I cried driving home. I feel so useless and hopeless. Life is a fucking crunt sometimes. When things are awesome in my life, as they are now, someone else's life is shit. I feel guilt for that. It's stupid I know. I never feel like I deserve to be happy. Although that never is slowly, slowly dissolving.

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One thing from today:

I was/am proud of myself. I have a really bad habit of always talking in either the third person about myself OR talking in past tense. I AM proud of myself. Present tense.

I spent some time on the discussion board for my Legal Process subject I've just received 72% in for my assignment. It seems a lot of people received marks they aren't that happy with (including myself). However, it appears those who are not happy with their marks received the lowest they have to date...... some are third year students. Some people received marks in the low 20's. Plus the standard was high this year. So what does that say? It says that under the circumstances I've actually done quite well. I'm on the right track. I felt proud with what I achieved. Sure it wasn't what I wanted but if I'm really honest.... I could have done better and I know it. I know in my heart what I submitted was not an assignment worth 75% or more. What I received is about right.

I'm really enjoying my Legal Research and Writing assignment. I have to research the laws on international child abduction and provide a letter of advice to a 'client'. I'm really pleased with what I've got so far. I LOVE this aspect of the law. It's one of the reasons I'm doing the degree. The practical side of things is what I love and thrive on. Applying the relevant legislation to the situation. I can do this. So I'm really enjoying the assignment. Who knows if what I'm doing is altogether correct. If I don't receive at least 75% I will be bitterly disappointed. However, it's all a learning process and I can only learn from the mistakes I make.

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On another note something in particular.... it just seems a bit odd. I always over analyse and with this I've not really thought about it too much. It just sits there...... at the back of my mind. It's probably nothing. But I'm not so sure.... I feel like

Something is going to happen.

Is it?