Maybe what I'm worried about and THINK will happen won't. I'm pretty sure it will though. But maybe, just maybe something good will happen.

I was told today that I am one of the best candidates he has seen over the last few years.

You know the most fucked up thing about it..... it's not that I didn't believe it, it didn't have any affect on me. I thought to myself 'but what was so impressive?', 'I was just being me'. I wasn't pulling out any fireworks or magic, I was just honest and me. I don't care if you don't offer me the job because it's not what can I offer you, but can you offer me?

I know that sounds really arrogant and self absorbed but I'm not like that at all. I'm just at the point in my career where I don't feel I have to 'beg' or put on a show to prove or show how good I am. I am good. I'm damned good but I'm not going to pull out the stops to show you that. This is me, this is who I am, this is what I want. Can you fill that for me? I liked what I heard. I heard what I am after without asking the question. Therefore I responded to that. I'm actually making a concession in a part of the role that I do not want to do because I like everything else I hear and it's important for me to be a team player. So I'll take one for the team.

But the question is..... why don't I value my self worth?

I get a fantastic compliment and it just washes off me like it wasn't even there.

I just feel so flat and I want it to go. Maybe it's been a result of this Mercury retrograde (I very much dislike Mercury and her retrograde). April is meant to be a good month for me. Well something 'good' happened today. May it also happen tomorrow night.