I have a cold. I woke up with it this morning. Unimpressed. I go out for one night and this is what happens to me. Grrrr. My glands seem to be up too. Not good.

It's been an interesting week. Full of fears, full of anxiety, full of triumphs and then questioning of those triumphs. I feel stronger. If only a little bit. I'm still in limbo and confused. I know what I should do but I'm still holding on. I'm not ready to let go yet. I'm still holding on to hope.

I'm still conflicted. I'm a complete contradiction and hypocrite. I say one thing, then I do the opposite or I reneg. Constantly changing my mind.

I can barely do this assignment. I'm not sure I want to do this degree. Six years of my life. I don't think I want to practice. I want to be making a difference and changing attitudes and policy. But I'm not political. I'm not actively involved in things. Maybe I'm just a fanciful dreamer who can't live in her own reality. Why can't I just stay where I am getting paid very well for not doing a whole lot?

I just don't know anymore.