Things from today:

1. Having a fellow co-worker motion for me to exist the lift first before him - a gentleman. I don't normally like that stuff but this morning it was lovely.

2. Getting angry.

3. Having my boss sound generally happy when I called them all the way up North. (Admin Mention Monday, you haven't signed the Consent Orders!!).

4. Being inspired to landscape my garden. (Found someone online, but scared I may not be able to afford them... eep!)

5. Having an overwhelming feeling of sadness in an instant as I got off the train tonight where I just wanted to sit down and cry my eyes out. It's still lingering and I hate it. I hate these feelings. Of being controlled by something that I can't control myself and being at its mercy no matter how hard I try or how hard I go forward. If I think about it really I've been battling this knowingly for 4 years and really, my whole life. It feels so much worse now when my life is so much better than what it was in my 20s. I wish it would go away but I have this overwhelming fear that I'll be struggling with it for the rest of my life.

6. Gorging on two pieces of fish, minimum chips and 4 scallops for dinner. Ok I shared some with the dog but I feel very roly poly right now. I like it.

7. Still feeling like I want to cry and like this feeling is never going to leave me.

JUST GIVE ME MY BOOKS BACK AND LET ME BE DONE WITH YOU. STOP TOYING WITH ME. NO WONDER I FEEL LIKE THIS.