Just when I have a moment of thinking 'gee, this is the first time in months I think I'm going to be alright' it all comes crashing down again.

I'm not perfect. I don't say the perfect things I should say. I don't do the perfect things I should do. I'm just me. Doing it the best that I can, fucking it up sometimes along the way. If you can't accept that that is who I am...... then that's a matter for you.

I'm tired. I don't have the emotional energy for this. I've expelled enough of it the past 5 months. I don't want to expel any more mental energy either. I'm tired. I'm taking my medication like I should. Yet I'm still waking up so tired. No wonder I sleep the weekend away. Despite having a hugely increased dose of thyroxine I'm still so fucking tired every day. It's 10.28pm and I should have been in bed an hour ago. The joy of working fully time, studying as well and trying to enjoy some sort of life when I get home. By life I mean a meagre 3 to 4 hours before I'm so tired I need to sleep.

I'm looking forward even more to getting away down the coast with my boy (read hound dog). I just want to be alone. Being alone really is the best thing for me. It's the only thing I know.