Today was a day where I was ready to pack it all in. You know where you just want to sit there and cry, because all of a sudden it all seems to be too much? I had that. I thought I was never going to get it and that ultimately, what the hell was I thinking? I actually wanted to do this? This would be a good career move for me? This isn't what I want to do.

I tried so hard to push through it all, when all I wanted to do was fall in a heap and cry my heart out. Cry my heart out is what I did the second I got in my car. But I pushed through before that - I pushed through the barrier. I also finally 'got' the difference between a third party and a joint tortfeasor. Simple really but it took me 7 days to get there. Phew.

What did excite me today (momentarily) was asking a guy at work about a photo of a bear he has in his office. That lead to me being led to a wall of photos of bears and his story about traveling to Alaska and watching the bears on a permit which is really hard to get. I was so excited by this I'm going to start entering the 'lottery' for the permit in 2 years time and see how I go. I love bears. Love them. Seeing them in the wild is also on my 'to do list'. The shit thing (or limited thing I should say) about uni is that I can only travel in June for a 2-3 week period at max, otherwise my traveling is restricted to Oct-Feb every year. Bears will be in hibernation by then. But if I get a chance to see them, whoosh I'll be off!

My grand plan is to take 3 months off after uni which isn't even that long really. I'd love to have a 'gap' year even though I'll be 40/41 when uni finishes. So what. I'm making my list of places I must visit. Even if it's 2 weeks every year somewhere. It's better than nowhere.

My must do list so far without being refined:

Russia and Ukraine - possibly with Siberia and Kamchatka bear viewing

Mongolia

Patagonia (OMG OMG I MUST GO HERE)

Chile/Argentina/maybe Brazil

Peru

Prague (I definitely want to go back)

Hungary, possibly Poland

Romania (I must go back, I loved it there).

Italy!!!! Hound dog and I are going to move there when I've finished uni!

Spain - definitely explore more of this beautiful country.

Also - Israel, Jordan, Egypt. I could go back to Istanbul it's so magical.

Next year will be Dubrovnik, albeit for 2 weeks. I'll either try for a trip the following year or save up for a longer trip the year after. I want to travel at least once every two years. It's the one main important goal in my life. The next main trip I want to do will either be Russia and Ukraine or Patagonia. They're my top 2.