One thing I learnt today: Patience. Just grit my teeth and bear (spl?) it. Transcend. As frustrating and annoying as something is for me, I'm sure it's the same for the other person.

What I did today:

Arranged my first s134AB(12) conference for the defendant! Yay. Piece of piss.

'Networked' with one of the partners.

Told the boss my intention of meeting two VWA heads when they are next at the office as I've had prior dealings with them but never met them. I'm sure they think I'm mad but things like that are very important to me.

Told the young lawyer I work for (who's been there since Feb) he's done really well to get a mention of good performance by the Authority in their end year review.

Ate two mini cupcakes at afternoon tea - the passionfruit one was better than the chocolate one.

Realised I've made some really good contacts and friends/colleagues at M. I'm having lunch with Natasha in a few weeks who I highly respect and admire. Jordan emailed me to say the place isn't the same without me (hahah that would be my potty mouth!) and the cordial I left is absolutely foul! Naw, made me smile. He has the best humour and is such good value.

I've also got my first 120 day response to send out tomorrow. Yay. No really, that is exciting to me. Although we're rejecting the SI so maybe not that exciting. Wait and see if the plaintiff issues an OM (that's Originating Motion). It means 'I have a serious injury and whilst my employer/their insurer/VWA don't think I do, I'd like the Court to determine that I do, thanks'.

Lots to learn and get my head around.

Today was a day where I was ready to pack it all in. You know where you just want to sit there and cry, because all of a sudden it all seems to be too much? I had that. I thought I was never going to get it and that ultimately, what the hell was I thinking? I actually wanted to do this? This would be a good career move for me? This isn't what I want to do.

I tried so hard to push through it all, when all I wanted to do was fall in a heap and cry my heart out. Cry my heart out is what I did the second I got in my car. But I pushed through before that - I pushed through the barrier. I also finally 'got' the difference between a third party and a joint tortfeasor. Simple really but it took me 7 days to get there. Phew.

What did excite me today (momentarily) was asking a guy at work about a photo of a bear he has in his office. That lead to me being led to a wall of photos of bears and his story about traveling to Alaska and watching the bears on a permit which is really hard to get. I was so excited by this I'm going to start entering the 'lottery' for the permit in 2 years time and see how I go. I love bears. Love them. Seeing them in the wild is also on my 'to do list'. The shit thing (or limited thing I should say) about uni is that I can only travel in June for a 2-3 week period at max, otherwise my traveling is restricted to Oct-Feb every year. Bears will be in hibernation by then. But if I get a chance to see them, whoosh I'll be off!

My grand plan is to take 3 months off after uni which isn't even that long really. I'd love to have a 'gap' year even though I'll be 40/41 when uni finishes. So what. I'm making my list of places I must visit. Even if it's 2 weeks every year somewhere. It's better than nowhere.

My must do list so far without being refined:

Russia and Ukraine - possibly with Siberia and Kamchatka bear viewing

Mongolia

Patagonia (OMG OMG I MUST GO HERE)

Chile/Argentina/maybe Brazil

Peru

Prague (I definitely want to go back)

Hungary, possibly Poland

Romania (I must go back, I loved it there).

Italy!!!! Hound dog and I are going to move there when I've finished uni!

Spain - definitely explore more of this beautiful country.

Also - Israel, Jordan, Egypt. I could go back to Istanbul it's so magical.

Next year will be Dubrovnik, albeit for 2 weeks. I'll either try for a trip the following year or save up for a longer trip the year after. I want to travel at least once every two years. It's the one main important goal in my life. The next main trip I want to do will either be Russia and Ukraine or Patagonia. They're my top 2.

Is this ever going to end? If so, when? Or am I holding onto it because I'm afraid of what's on the other side? This feels like an eternity of misery.

I told hound dog last night we're moving to Italy. I don't think he minds.


- Posted from the depths of my mind.

Still sick. It's been a week. Stayed in all weekend. Need a nap.

Whilst one can never plan ahead as who knows what life will throw at you I'm going to make a list of places I want to visit as a priority and set about aiming to achieve that. I've decided that when I finish my degree I want to take a few months off - 2-3 (preferably 3) and travel. That's my long term goal.

Just when I've been feeling completely unloved and uncared for I check FB one last time before beddy byes and have a message from an ex work colleague asking me how the new job is going. Naww, thank you! I'll respond when less tired.

The new employment is going well. The support staff have been fantastic as have the lawyers of which faces I recall. There's a lot to learn and new processes I'm unfamiliar with but I don't envisage any of it to be a problem or difficult. My new 'boss' is awesome and agreeable to me altering a few things to make life for us a bit easier which is great. The culture and dynamics are so different to my last place - in such a positive way.

Finished and submitted assignment. I really really hope I get a credit for it. It's not distinction material by any standards. If I had 5,000 words to play with and more time to read everything and do the assignment then I might be able to squeeze a D in, or at least a high Credit. But alas, I again had to cut words. And 173 may not seem like a lot.... but it is. Fingers crossed. If I get 65% or more I'll be rapted.

Loving ''The Story of Edgar Sawtelle'. You must be a dog person to love the book and also understand or have an appreciation or tolerance for dog training as there's quite a bit of it in the book that I wasn't aware would be in it prior to reading it. Having a family background in dog training I'm loving it. Others might find it mighty boring and repetitive.

Friday tomorrow!!! New starter drinks (oh that's me!) after workies then home to hopefully not fall asleep on the couch before footy ends on the tele.

Two late nights in a row - as in 1am last night and now it's 12.23am. Must go. Goodnight.

I could live anywhere in the world (well, maybe not in a prison or in destitute poverty) on my own.... as long as I have hound dog with me.

My ride to where the plane is is due to arrive in 3 hours. I have not packed. I feel like crap and just want to sit in front of the heater and not move. Hound dog is no longer here. I just want to sleep and not wake up until everything crap is gone. I'm still miserable. I hope that by the time I arrive at my destination tomorrow I'll be more sprightly.

I know I'm letting a few people down at the moment but I don't have it in me right now to be there. I'm sorry. It's selfish I know.

Maybe I should make an effort to pack. I just want some motivation.

I'm also quite pissed that I'm still waiting on my assignment results. We got told Monday that we should know by Friday afternoon AT THE LATEST. Well, I'm one of 7 students STILL WAITING for their results on a Saturday. I submitted mine a day early and I'm one of the last to find out. It's a fucking joke and it pisses me off. They did this to me with my final exam and everyone else knew how they went and I had to agonise over a weekend thinking I'd failed because they couldn't post my mark on time so it came up as a Fail. Doesn't make me feel any better. I've been looking forward to getting my mark all week and most likely I won't know until I'm in another fucking country. Not good enough.

This is really sad but I'm a little excited to read all the journal articles I researched for my assignment. I still have to do a shit load of reading in order to sort out what I'm going to write about.... I have 2.5 weeks which really is nothing considering I'm out 2 nights of the next 3 and then I fly out Sat night. A holiday in the sun doing an assignment on equitable estoppel and economic analysis in contract law! Awesome. It's a bit geeky that I actually like this subject. Really it's just common sense (derr).

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Everyone today at work was so nice. I'm petrified of water works on Friday. I'm really not ready to leave but I know that I am leaving for the right (career) reason and not because I just want to get out of the place quick smart. It's a career move and leaving behind everyone I've become friends with and have all those little social interactions with is the hardest part. I hold onto a lot of things and I need to stand stall and walk forward on my own.

And no, I'm not excited about leaving, I'm not excited about my holiday, I'm not excited about starting a new job. I just take one day at a time. It's too hard right now for me to get excited about anything. Am I looking forward to positive things happening in my life? Yes.

I look forward to the day I no longer think of you nor cry over you. Loving you hurts me too much.

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The Kennedy Detail

So damn sad. So sad and heartbreaking.

Look at how pretty they are!

It's a moose ring!


This gorgeous silver bird was bargain of the day at $2





Ouuuwwwwwllll



Posted from the depths of my mind.

Eeep! I'm so naughty! My super awesome saving plan went out the window this month.....

1 plane ticket to Dubrovnik for June 2012 purchased for $500. Check.

Some really nice ware for summer outtings and work purchased. Check. (Only one black item purchased all day.... a snazzy sexy 'batman' cardigan)

Some super cheap and awesome jewellery purchased to go with new summer ware. Check.

Check out my super cute new summer hat. I'm taking it to Thailand with me. $12. Bargain.

Oh and there's this bookshop that has books for $5 each! So I grabbed these:

The Golden Mean and The Street Philosopher have been on my 'wish list' for ages. Super happy to get them brand new for $5 each.

- Posted from the depths of my mind.

Things from today:

Work drinks were just what I needed.

Saying goodbye to B was hard..... she's been so great and lovely and she's just so cute and I adore her. I'll miss her heaps. I know I'll be friends with her outside of work.

Realising that I've met some really wonderful people at work that I really don't want to leave. I'm really afraid I'm going to cry when I leave. Almost sure of it.

War is a really horrible thing. Broken down it's just men killing other men. I'm reading a novel on a battle at Gettysburg during the civil war. It's from both sides - completely partial. It makes me want to learn more about the American civil war. American history of which I know nothing.

Do women really think it's empowering having themselves photographed almost naked for the internet or to get a start in modelling? I am no prude and I'm quite happy to look at (photos of) naked women but really...... what is with this craze of young women, mostly tattooed, getting their gear off and posing around with their breasts firmly (no pun intended) on display? Oh yes there's the argument that they are comfortable with their sexuality and blah blah. What I say is take the photo again with your clothes ON and see what the difference is. Is it really necessary that in order to get a leg up a woman needs to de-robe? Is it sexier if they are flashing their arse through see-through panties and their hands over their boobs and oooopppss now I'm showing my boobs but I'm pretty and have great makeup and hair and oooohhh aren't I sexy? Gosh it makes me want to rush out and do a photoshoot barely clad so I can join the club and be a super cool internet babe where my photo gets shared around and men and women alike can ooh and ahh over me. It's so pedestrian it's boring.

It's late. I'm tired. Another evening of no study but I did finally manage to finish the chapter on estoppel. Yay! I have two more weeks of readings to complete by this Sunday and then I aim to start my next assignment. I'm petrified of what my marks are going to be in this subject. Especially the final exam.

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Today I learnt tolerance. Tolerance of myself to not get upset or angry. I said to myself 'just let it go'. I thought I was being attacked personally and perhaps I was.... but I just let it go. I let it wash off over me and be gone. I was proud of myself for doing that.

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It also looks like I've got a buddy for next June!!! I'm so excited. I know it's a whole year away but it's something I can really look forward to and be with someone who has a more outgoing personality than mine that I can learn from and go outside my comfort zone with. If it all goes ahead it'll be so much fun.

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I'm also a little angry but again, it's something I have to let go. I'm not a little angry, but more than a little. I just feel like shit and I don't understand but again, I just have to walk away. Not try and make sense of it.... not ask why.... not chase.... just..... leave. Hold my head up high instead of head down eyes to the ground (which is how I feel). Dejected, rejected, not worth it.

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Oh yeah that tiredness thing..... that would be the iron and Vitamin D deficiency plus low thyroid levels AGAIN. Yay to me. No wonder I've been so blegh for the past 6 weeks.

Trying really really hard to let it go.

DBV 06-12. I can wait. I'm a bit scared actually. That I was too hasty. Stuff it. It's my life and I wait for no-one.

- Posted from the depths of my mind.