I did something today that only hurt me in the end. It hurt me a lot. I need to get real and stop doing things that hurt me. Stop repeating bad habits. Stop thinking like this. It's nothing but destructive.

I need to make a decision and a decision to be strong. To actually see what is GOOD for me and what ISN'T. In the long run. I'm in denial and I keep fantasizing that things will work out how I want them to be. But when I truly think about it I know that it won't. It hasn't yet so why would it in the future? It's not going to and I have to let go. I don't want to, I keep holding on and holding on, hoping, wishing, praying..... but deep down I know that it's not going to be.

So I need to walk away. It has to be me. It will only be me. It hurts. It hurts so much and it upsets me, it makes me cry, it makes me feel down and awful but for my own well being I need to do this.

I'll bare through the next 2 and on the second it will be said.

I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to deal with this and get through it. I see how I've done it previously but this time it's so much different and it's everything to me. But I can't do it.