Work drinks were awesome.

- Posted from the depths of my mind.

I thought my books had arrived (still waiting..... ). Instead I got these




-
Yeah thanks for that. My exam was Tuesday and the bastards won't let me have 3 weeks off without reminding me what's in store the coming 3 months.

Thanks

Now piss off and let me enjoy my last 2 weeks of freedom!



Posted from the depths of my mind.

I'm not very good at being number 2. At all. Especially when I put my hand up to do things and it just get rubs in my face. It's all a learning experience. This life thing.

It's done. Exam is over. I definitely needed an extra day yesterday. I'm pleased with what I wrote. It's not quality over all but hopefully it's enough to get me through and achieve a Pass.

I did something today that I'm not sure I've done before. If I have I don't remember a previous time. I told myself I was proud of myself. Sounds wanky a bit self absorbed but it wasn't. I was walking to walk and I thought to myself 'I'm halfway through my first year of my law degree!... wow, I should be proud of that' and then I told myself I was proud of me. All the sacrifices I've made - financially and socially. The dedication, the determination, pushing myself when I just didn't want to read anymore. I've achieved something. Yay me.

It's so nice to come home and have time to make dinner and then do whatever I want to do. Watch a movie? I haven't done that for forever. I also missed out on seeing Harry Potter number Finale at the movies! Can't believe I did that. I thought 'oh I'll go to the movies and see Harry Potter'..... ooops missed that boat.

I wish you hadn't sent me that message. I was doing alright until then. Now, you're in my thoughts. Apparently I've 'self managed' quite well the past x months. Who would have thought I'd be strong enough. It seems my health is also at its best. My levels may finally be on the money. I'm eating better and the weight is staying on. I've put a whole 2kg on in the past 6 months. It's so good. It's so nice to have flesh.

Currently watching

Fennec fox. I love this top but the postage is more than the actual top.




- Posted from the depths of my mind.

http://www.hervia.com/vivienne-westwood-ladieswear-c1/vivienne-westwood-jewellery-c13/vivienne-westwood-small-neo-bas-pearl-choker-p1175

This would be perfect for the dress I'm wearing to Copeland. I doubt it would arrive in time though.

He loves it. Really, he does.

What you can't see is hound dog spread on my bed and all over my study materials. It's his way of saying 'Attention, please!'.

No matter how far I've come I still feel miserable. It still hurts. I wish you would walk through the door and hold me and say that everything is going to be alright. The latter part I'm pretty sure is right, but the former..... that's never going to happen. I miss you.

Right now I just want to give up and go to sleep and let the world pass. I want to wake up fresh and feeling wonderful and happy and have everything that is making me feel like this be gone and far away and not even a memory. Gone to the point that it never existed and I will never feel it or be reminded of it again.

Apparently I'm managing. On my own. I am but it's still hard. Every day is hard.

Tomorrow I need to do well. More study tonight then fingers crossed I get over the line tomorrow.

This is to remind myself of how healthy (?) my body is right now (despite still being sick and recovering from the flu).

This is the first time I can remember where my back has not been defined by my bones showing. I can run my hand over my back and feel flesh instead of hard bumps. You have no idea how wonderful it is. Or how much a simple thing as having extra flesh means. It makes me feel good. I just hope it lasts.




- Posted from the depths of my mind.

Holy shit. We made the big one.

What a quarter.

I saw Mick walking off the ground at 3 qtr time looking like he was reading something. He wasn't reading anything. He was thinking 'this is my last game and this is how we're going down' .... devastated. I cried for him.

You are a man I have always admired. Ever since you coached the Weagles I've had so much admiration. Thank you for everything you have done and for giving your heart and soul. I'm not ready for you to go.

Here's hoping the boys' get over the line again next week. For themselves and more importantly, in honour of you.


- Posted from the depths of my mind.

It's 20.54 and I'm exhausted. I need sleep. I'm still sick. The back of my throat is red raw from coughing. It's painful everytime I swallow my spit. I cough everytime I talk.

I just want bed. I must have been out of it within 10 mins of hitting snooze time last night. Dreams of apocalyptic times. Old school persons being in a cafe and walking in off the street. Weird.

Today -

I felt distant and like the hired help. Excluded. Temporary. I know my time to prove myself hasn't come yet and that it will. I've not been in this position since ..... well ever. It's like I'm starting off on an even slate and I have to climb the ladder again. I haven't had to climb a ladder for let's see.... for about 11 years. I just do what I do. Whether people will like that, well the old cliche of time will tell will apply.

Now for the excitement of my Wednesday night!!!!! Drum rolls, hushed gasps, waiting waiting, smoke machine .... dah dah da!!'

Chapter 32. Misrepresentation

Let's see if I can swing 2 hours straight before I fall asleep. You know, head falling down onto chest, pink highlighter in right hand, light on, book open at page 496.....

Oh but I really want that aerosmith tshirt.


- Posted from the depths of my mind.

I've just spent yhe last hour + listening to a tute on exam prep for next Monday. One of yhe students posted a picture on the screen that everyone could see. It's a pic of a lil chihuahua with flowers around it's head saying 'thank you sooooo much Emma'.

Then someone defaced it.

At one point the doggy doo doo was sparkly. Pissed myself laughing. Too funny. This is from adult students no less.

Awesome.


- Posted from the depths of my mind.

It's raining outside but it sounds like a big bad Balrog is out there walking around with its mouth open going rah rah ror ror ready to scar the pants off me while I scream. Go away bad monster.

- Posted from the depths of my mind.

I'd like to think this feeling will go away, but I'm not sure it will. Especially if I keep thinking of you. Which is just fucking daft really. Lately I wish I'd never met you. Harsh for sure. But you have no idea the affect you've had.

- Posted from the depths of my mind.

Incredibly exhausted. I'm going to bed very soon.

Excited. Purchased my return tix home from Split for next year. Expedia is ace. Plus I separated my flights (Split to London, London to home) and saved myself $200 odd bucks. Good on me.

My day today:

On the train by 8.07am.

Study from 8.07am to 8.45am/8.50am.

Work from 9am - 1pm

Study from 1.20pm to 1.55pm

Work from 2pm - 5.40pm

On the train by 5.50pm

Study from 5.50pm - 6.20pm

Too tired to study tonight. I should but I need to not feel exhausted, and that is how I constantly feel right now.

The feeling of being physically and mentally exhausted all day is horrible. I had to push myself today at work. I'd had enough. My brain had had enough but I still had to think and it took so much out of me just to do that.

Nearly over.

And we danced into the fire.... well it was damn hot on the dancefloor


I love mirrorballs. <3


- Posted from the depths of my mind.

Hound dog with his stinky Magilla


- Posted from the depths of my mind.

I'm going to summer school!

Well, from my loungeroom at least.

I was almost going to ensure a surefire fail semester 1 2012 by enrolling in the equivalent of 3 subjects but decided to play smart (not safe, smart) and just do my double weighted subject. Phew.

Looking forward to it. That means a 3 week break in October and full steam ahead to the end of January 2012. Then it all begins again in mid February.

Thank fuck I have 3 holidays planned in the next 9 months. I'll need my 2 weeks in Croatia by June!!



- Posted from the depths of my mind.

Weekendness-

Being told I look the best/healthiest that I ever have (note low thyroid levels)

Had an awesome time at HoR. Especially when I danced like a Fucktard just because I could.

A friends friend having a crush on me (naw cute).

Ran into an old friend from Abyss days - I think he proposed? We danced to the Ramones. Apparently he always liked me because he thought I was always 'real'. Um ok. I'm just me.

Eating delicious lasagna at Pellegrini's.

Work drinks. It was like a private party but at work.

Going out for a quiet night that didn't end up quiet and being glad for it.

Saw Red Dog and sooked in sync with my friend. Really good film. Josh Lucas is hot to trot. Glad I didn't bail.

Felt loved and a bit like me again.

I'm slowly getting there.

Awesome friends. Truly blessed.

Love.

- Posted from the depths of my mind.

I want to go snorkelling again! I just don't recommend putting your head underneath your body to watch where the fish swim away to.... salt water intake is gagingly unpleasant. Trying to catch the fish as they swim past is fun though... it made me laugh.

Utter bliss in my little 'pod' with the pool behind me and the beach in front.

This is the Spa pool. My room was just behind the big hut - literally 5 steps away from the pool. Bliss!

Pretty green waters. I got to swim around here.

yeah so the colour is bland but it was so nice being in the water. Floating around saying 'weeee' over and over like a child.

Still so tired.

Had a really good day today.

I even usurped the boss today. Yep we got a new file in which indicated that another firm was doing a recovery (recovery means the VWA seek to recover $ they've paid from a third party who may also be liable). The boss didn't think there should be a recovery and couldn't see who else would be responsible. In my initial notes of reading the file I'd made a note as to recovery and who I thought was responsible. Turns out I was right! I called the recovery firm and got the info from them which confirmed what I initially thought. I felt really good about it. Like I'd achieved something.

Hound dog watching bears on animal planet.


- Posted from the depths of my mind.

Ive decided that every weekend the weather is hot I'm taking off down the coast. Just me, my tent, the sun and the water.

I have an intense craving to be by and in the sea.

I'm setting up a plan whereby I'm going to maximize my work with uni and travel. I'll rotate every other year and do summer school to finish uni quicker. I want to save enough to have enough time off once it's all finished and in between still travel. Beach locations are go in between European exploration.


- Posted from the depths of my mind.

I want to be back here. Please.


- Posted from the depths of my mind.

Jellyfish sting 2 weeks on. I put vinegar on it last night. The welts have gone down and it hasn't itched today. Still looks nasty.


- Posted from the depths of my mind.

I'm sincerely hoping my 'sleeping beauty' days are not returning. I was so tired this morning. I was up at 7.50am to get the car serviced at 8.30am. I got home just before 12 noon and went back to bed. I got up at 7.30pm. I still feel tired. A whole day of study lost. I can't even try now because nothing will sink in because I'm still tired. Great.

My levels were low went I went to the endocrinologist for a check up. I've upped my intake (quite a lot) and I still feel tired. I also haven't lost any weight despite not eating properly (not deliberately) for weeks. I cannot be tired. I have a life to live. Plus I've made simple stupid mistakes at work - brain not functioning properly. Short term memory loss starting to show.

My jellyfish sting on my left knee is still itchy! Plus it's red and bubbled up. It's always cool to have scars and so forth but I'm sure about this. Itchy after two weeks plus still red and bubbled up. Doesn't sound right or look right to me.

I'm thirsty.