I can't upload YouTube from my phone. MF

My song for today is the Stones and 'Miss You' because it's awesome and I love it.

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I have a suspicion about something but I could be completely wrong and I'm dearly hoping to be wrong.

There's just one thing I need to do. Not yet. But shortly. For once and for all.

I'm not going to go through life not knowing.

And so it goes.... around..... around.... around

Merry go round and round

I thought I knew

Now I know

Don't stop believing

All it does is create an expectation that cannot be met.

So I found out today that what I had been hoping for and holding out for is not available. I was offered a substitute, I declined.

So back to square one. Back to feeling like I'll never get out if where I am.

Two down.

And is it what I really want? Probably not. I just know I can do it and do it well. But I was using it as an escape. It's not really where I want to be or what I want to do.

One of my work colleagues told e they are leaving to go to the bar next year. All the friendhips i've made are disappearing with people leaving. Blegh. When will it be my time to start a new journey?


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So tell me why?

Why is it that something that feels so right seems to feel wrong. No matter how good it feels at the time, how right it feels, when the daylight comes the illusion is broken and nothing but stark reality remains.

I'm really missing my mum. I booked a lunch at Movida today for her and me when she gets back. At Hosier Lane too which I've not been to yet. Aqui does not do lunches. Shame cos it rocks. She'll crack it saying a) it's a waste of money; and b) it's too fancy for her. Yeah sure. Just wait till she tastes those scallops with jamon, the beef cheek and two other dishes we'll have. Mmmmmm

I went to an Intrepid info night this evening. The topic was volunteer travel. I'd like to do something like that. Give something back. But I think I'd like to do a wildlife one the most. The lions would be amazing and I'd also like to do one with the monkeys and there's one in Argentina where you nurse back to health injured wildlife. Obviously I need to work out when (or if) Holidays at Uni are to fit in a trip. I'd only be able to do 2 weeks too most likely.

Haven't been thinking about Saturday a lot. I'll be nervous as all hell on the day but for now it's kind of out of my mind. I'm hoping to catch the parade tomorrow. I had someone giving me shit at work today. I gave it straight back and was then accused of being 'fired up'. Pffft. Don't give me shit if you can't take me giving you shit back.

I love my dog. He's super awesome.

I aint missing you at all, since you've been gone

I miss my mum. This is the longest we've ever gone not speaking to each other. Don't know how I'll cope when she really is gone for good. I hope she's enjoying her travels and being open minded about her new experiences.

Saturday still doesn't feel real.

I'm intrigued by Dreams.

I'm so tired. I still feel slightly vomitous.

9.02pm and it's way past my bed time. Will get results by end of this week. I already know my increased dose is too low.

I have to wait until mid to late October for my SCU results. I'm accepted into UNE but I want SCU. Their subjects are way cooler and more interesting and I think I could do better at SCU.

It's going to be hard.