Sat -ter-day-night-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do (and repeat)

Just a quiet Saturday night of study with the hound.

So I have to be a grown up at the moment. Gotta take care of someone.

My brain is a wee bit wishwash at the moment. Silly things like spelling when I type..... oooh red underline.... and my short term memory is whoa! what's that again? I don't remember. Yeah it's pretty bad. I was doing better but it's gotten a ton worse. Perhaps these multi vitamins I'm taking aren't doing the job. I am certainly feeling more tired that's for sure. My last results showed low iron levels so perhaps the multi vitamin just isn't kicking enough in. I'll have to try a full dose of the stuff instead. It's 11pm and I should be red hot on the study but I'm so tired.

Although I'm rather pleased with what I have achieved so far on my assignment. I have answered 3 questions today out of 10. The other ones are more harder (*bites nails and looks distressed*) and I have no clue what to do. I might need someone at work to show me how.

Keep thinking about a second hound. If I was with someone (and I don't mean living with someone - I need my space and believe it's really important to HAVE space and independence of one another, none of this 'let's do everything together joined at the hip' (*runs for the hills*)) it would easier. Someone else to share the walking and outings. Maybe a girl next year. There's a breeder who does black coats - old GS style. They are so beautiful. Long coat for sure on the black ones. I don't know. Maybe it's just my way of entertaining myself through boredom or loneliness. Out of 35 years I've been in two relationships for 4 years and 9 months respectively. My future of love is looking real good isn't it. Ha! Like I care.

Wow. I've never been that forthright in a dream before.

The tides they are a changing.

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I did a swap today. G got Boardwalk Empire and she gave me Cloudstreet to read.

I think I'm getting better at the bad shit. I also function better at 30 not 20.

I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend of study. There are two gigs I should be going to but as I realised today.... going to the gigs is not going to get me the marks I need to pass my subjects. I'll have 3 or so weeks off in June. Until then it's study time. I decided to do this degree and make the commitment, I need to stick to it. Not keep going out because I think it's what I should be doing to please my friends. With all due respect, my friends aren't going to get me the marks I want. I'm going to do what I need to do, not what I think I should do too keep up appearances.

My distraction has meant I'm in no mood for further study or watching a doco. I want sleepy time to drift away into fantasy land. Although dream land has been really fucked up of late. I had ducks lying on the ground with bullet holes in their heads the other morning (or maybe they were geese, they were white and bigger than ducks, in the dream they were 'ducks' without actually physically looking like a duck).

Royalty in my Family

Family history.

One of my English family members was a Palace Guard. Yeah, one of those guys in the red uniform with the big black furry hats. Not bad I say.

My grandfather, my dad's dad was in the Royal Navy. He's pictured above second to the right in the back row. He died suddenly when I was about 7. His wife, my nanna was my second mum.

Seated in the front row, centre and just in front of my grandpa is King George VI. They've just made a movie about him too. It's called 'The King's Speech'.

Sunday morning


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Yesterday was a good day. I love it when I'm motivated. I have more confidence and I feel good. I walked the dog, food shopped, vacuumed, clothes/bed washed, cleaned the oven even! Went to footy, started uni readings again, made dinner, put new sheets and dooms cover on the bed. Busy busy.

Aside from all that boring shite I really like it when a stranger smiles at me. Just a nice friendly smile. I was walking out of Jolimont to the G and one of Meteo guys was waving his arms to show people where they needed to go. I looked at him an he saw me and smiled. I smiled back. Simple gestures like that, kindness really, warms my heart. perhaps it's an acknowlegement of my existence that I appreciate so much.

I booked a weeks holiday at Apollo bay in late Jan 12 today. 7 nights with the hound plus my ma and her partner and their dog. I know it's ages away (the dates we wanted were already gone) but I'm looking forward to it. plus hound dog will have a friend to play with for a whole week!

I can see what I can achieve if I put my mind to it and set goals. I just need to stick to it.

On my degree- one girl I met at my workshop is becoming my motivator. She's really great. I thought I was so behind and we're at the same stage so I don't feel like I'm doing everything backward. It gives me confidence to know she's at the same stage as me - I say this because she's real smart. I took notice of her skills the second day and thought she had yhe issues we were discussing down pat- or perhaps they were the same as what I was thinking so I liked her analytical skills. It gives me strength to continue anyway. If she can do it with two kids and working full time as well as finding time for her then surely I can do it too.



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