671 words. Only 1329 to go.

I don't think 2000 is going to be enough. I haven't even got to the core elements yet! I swear I haven't been waffling.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I've learnt a lot about myself the past 2 days. Specifically, my own selfishness.

Growing up an only child has contributed, or I would even say is, the main cause for my selfishness. I have not had the privilege of knowing what it is like to have someone else there that I have to think about. When you're an only child you get everything. You ask, you shall receive. In a privileged household that is. But just generally - conversations, communication, interaction.... just me. I'm still learning these basic and fundamental things. Does that not beg the question 'but am I not aware of others?'. Of course I am. I always put others first before me. Sometimes though I cannot differentiate between Myself and Another - specifically needs and wants.

I was rather gung-ho about a particular issue and then something else came up and I held off. The next day I read my horoscope (as I do every day) and it told me to really have a think about my actions. About what I was proposing to do. Because it's up to me to CHOOSE how I behave and act and react. I can go ahead with it but it will go one way... a not very good way. I held off and today I got the result I've been wanting for some time now.

It's not all about me. The world does not revolve around me (thank goodness!). I am not forgotten or less loved or less thought of or less wanted.... it's just not about me so stop thinking about ME.

It's been a good lesson to learn. It's opened my eyes up more and I'm grateful for that.

Super goodness chicken soup


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I really do feel like giving up. One person is looking forward to seeing the things I will do - after I finish. That is so lovely. Even having strangers say 'don't give up'.

I'm not a quitter. I've never been a quitter. I'm a fighter. I just need to be confident in my ability. I also need to not be so hard on myself and to not have high expectations... for expectations can only lead to disappointment.. (trouble and seat wetting.... oh wait, that's heavy petting - thought of Rocky Horror when typing 'lead to disappointment').

It's now 9.10pm. I'm still sick. I've had no dinner (chicken soup and fresh bread is to be eaten.... Geeves, please bring tonight's dinner into the formal lounge room for dining) and MUST get on to this assignment (Geeves... punch out an A essay will you, remember not to plagiarise but sign my name at the bottom). Even if it's going to be a shitty assignment I need to do it to finish it and submit it by Sunday. So, just like in Starsky and Hutch (and like Shell and I kept saying around Eastern Europe)... DOO IIT! Dooo Iiiit!

I love my dog, mofo sits right in front of the heater... hog.

I wish I could go back and respond differently to what I did today. Selfish. I'm sorry. I'm sad and disappointed. Angry this is happening. To you. I want to destroy things and punch things and hurt things. I want it to go away. I want to take it all away. I can't imagine what you are thinking and feeling and wanting right now.

Love.

In my sleep last night I managed to take a piece of skin off the side of my nose. I wondered why my nose had blood on it this morning.

I did the same thing to my eyelid a few weeks ago too. Digging my nails into my skin in my sleep. Whoops.

I very much dislike being sick. I get whiny when I'm sick. That annoying chid like 'i'm siiiicckk'.

Today was alright. I woke up with a better attitude then wondered if I'd made the right decision. I may have pissed some people off in my decision. But hey, put it this way. If the contract was right from the get go I might be regretting signing it. Or I might be feeling the opposite. I'm outta there!!!! Instead someone elses incompetence made me stay.

Barely worked on assignment tonight. It's utter shit. It's about C material, definitely not of a high standard. I also don't get the results of my first assignment until this Friday - maybe. I was meant to get results last Friday, then this Monday.... not impressed.

Looking forward to the weekend. Footy friday then home all weekend to finish assisgnment. Next weekend off!! Maybe.

I'm seriously broke. Like seriously. I am not allowed to buy anything aside from food and petrol and all my bills. It's April and I get paid friday and my whole pay is GONE already. Gone. Already eaten up. Pissed with myself at that.

Off to sleepy land. Hopefully I won't dig more holes in my face tonight whilst out of it. Muppet.

Ooh yeah new muppet movie Jan 12.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I think everything is going to be OK

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone