- Posted from the depths of my mind.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Today was great.
Work was really good.
Another good conversation was had and further understanding achieved. It helped immensely, following on from Wednesday's conversation which was hard and upsetting (for both parties). I struggled a lot Wednesday. It was somewhat of a shock to here that my discourse (Wednesday) challenged another to the point of them having to respond and communicate what was going on with them. Something they didn't want to do. In particular me challenging them was actually a good thing. I always think I'm just being a pain in the arse. Instead, me needing to talk about something or get how I'm feeling out verbally forced someone else, in a good way, to talk about what's going on with them - which helped both of us and our relationship for the better. It's made us stronger. I value that so much. So that is all really good.
I'm looking forward to the weekend. Good things will happen.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
http://www.carlosruizzafon.co.uk/sotw_walkl.pdf
You know how sometimes a book can have an effect on you? Its story draws you in so much that you feel you are IN the story, looking at all that is happening and unravelling right before your eye, as if you are there, watching, like a fly on the wall.
I felt like this reading The Shadow of the Wind. It's a mesmerising tale and it was hard to put the book down. I didn't want to put it down. I wanted to keep reading, to find out what would happen to Daniel and what happen to Julien all those years ago. Such sorry and lost love. But what an adventure and mystery! Reading this book also made me want to visit Barcelona.
When I did visit Barcelona last year I almost felt like I knew the place, just from the names I'd read in the book. I said to my friend 'We must go to Montjuic!'. I really didn't know what was at Montjuic, aside from being high on the hill. I knew of Barceloneta yet I am still to visit it. We ran out of time.
I'm now reading 'Angel's Game' by the same author and again it is drawing me into Barcelona. Those tiny cobbled winding streets and laneways. The magic and mystery of the city. It's beauty and hidden crime and dirt. It's laughter. It's light, it's darkness.
Again I want to travel there. To experience and explore the city more. To spend a day watching it go by. To swim in the water, to lose myself in those streets and get lost, without a care in the world. To stumble across a bar and order a sangria and sample plates of tapas. To have a mid afternoon/evening slumber before heading out for more food and drink and warm summer nights with the air of happiness, laughter, and smiles of families, couples, individuals, and children soaking around me. Just like in Plaza Real.
Next year. Hopefully.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Smoking. It's been in the press a bit lately. Cigarette packets getting a proposed 'makeover' of olive green packets to deter people from smoking. Oh it's such a vile, disgusting habit isn't it? Is it?
I personally don't care if someone smokes. If it's in my face I blow it out of my face. I'm not adverse to it, I just don't want to smell it really. But I'm not going to tell someone else not to do it or look at them in disgust. What do I care? I don't. It's an individual's choice. I don't select friends or men on whether they smoke because it's not an issue for me. And honestly, some people who smoke.... I can neither smell it on them nor taste it when they kiss me. If I have tasted it, the taste has actually been nice... probably just this one person in particular really.
Oh it causes cancer and it costs so much money in health, blah blah blah.
Let's be honest here. Tobacco is big business. Companies have gotten RICH selling cancer sticks to people for a really long time. You know what else has gotten rich on tobacco.... the economy. Smoking and its health effects have a huge impact on the economy. Sure a lot of money is pumped into trying to stop smoking, to make people quit, to help people who develop illness overcome it. Companies have gotten rich. Pharmaceutical companies with their drugs. Hospitals and research centres need money to fund their research on how to STOP cancer caused by smoking. This creates jobs does it not? Oh I can hear you screaming at me as you read this. How cold hearted can I be you ask? How can I be so naive and uneducated?
Break it down to the facts. Its an industry that creates. Absolutely it's fucked up that the cigarette companies withheld vital information to their customers that their product can cause cancer. That it creates serious health risks. Tobacco companies should be prosecuted for this. However, now that we know what tobacco does to us, is it not up to the individual to choose whether they smoke or not? Sure you can go on about children being led astray and thinking it's 'cool' to smoke and once they start they can't stop because their addicted to the nicotine....
It will always be an ongoing debate. There will always be two sides. One for, one against.
I lost my grandmother to lung cancer. She smoked for a really really long time. 40 years or more. She stopped maybe 15 years before she died. Had she known about the risks would she have stopped or not smoked? I don't know. You'd have to ask her.
I have a fabulous habit of daydreaming wonderful holidays and spending money I don't yet have.
So I've decided in my June uni holidays next year to travel to Barcelona for 2 weeks and 1 week in Dubrovnic, also taking a few days on Hvar island.
I'm already sourcing my Barcelona accommodation.
Yeah it's a whole year away but it gives me something to do.
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So I've decided in my June uni holidays next year to travel to Barcelona for 2 weeks and 1 week in Dubrovnic, also taking a few days on Hvar island.
I'm already sourcing my Barcelona accommodation.
Yeah it's a whole year away but it gives me something to do.
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Thursday, May 19, 2011
If it's no then it's goodbye. For good. Could it be time for something to work out right? I sincerely hope so. If no. Like I said.... walk on bye.
One good thing from today:
The autumn leaves. Going from green to yellow to orange to red. Free falling, swaying in the air until it hits the ground. Does anyone notice the leaves falling? I stand on the corner near my work every morning looking at the trees hoping to see a leaf fall down.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The house I grew up in for 16 years is for sale. It was in my dream this morning too. There was this little European guy, short, chubby, black hair, he was meant to be my dad and I was telling him how to save money. He was useless. I kept saying 'he's not my dad' and 'so everything is just a big lie'... 'no, my dad's the tall guy'. Standing out on the driveway. The stone pebble driveway that is now paved and god awful. Why wreck something that is so close to nature with paving? Fucking Templestowe wankers (people from there bought the house so I can say that - concrete you know).
I always said I'd buy the house if it ever was for sale again. Not that I want to live back there, it's a bit too far. Even if I did I can't afford it. It makes me a bit sad what they've done to it. Like it's lost it's earthiness a bit. I don't like that. I'm going to the open for inspection Sunday. I'll just be late to footy. This is too important to me. To be able to go back there after nearly 20 years. I'll only have 1/2 hour.
One thing from today: I don't know. The metro man was really nice after I lost my ticket in the machine... whoosh sucked right in and down.
Oh that's right. Something good from today! An ex work colleague called out of the blue to say hi. He left the day I went to the Gold Coast and I didn't get a proper chance to say goodbye. He called work about a month - six weeks ago and I called back and left a message but.... no reply. He called today which was nice.
Sleep time. I'm so tired.
What did you do today? Were you inspired by anything or anyone? Did a stranger smile at you and warm your insides? (Me, neither). I did like the feel of the cold wind on my face whilst I was rugged up nice and warm.
Here's the thing, with all due respect. I don't give a shit how someone else went in their law degree, especially if they only achieved a pass in their subjects.
I'm getting rather sick of it. Why can't someone just say 'i think it's great you want to achieve more'. Or maybe I'm being perceived as thinking I'm better than what I really am.
To that I say phooey!
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I'm getting rather sick of it. Why can't someone just say 'i think it's great you want to achieve more'. Or maybe I'm being perceived as thinking I'm better than what I really am.
To that I say phooey!
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Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I've just arrived home to a clear sky and bright full moon. I love full moons. Not so much the crazy effects they can have at times but visually I love them. They make me smile every time.
It's interesting (?) (for want of a better word) how the brain works. I'd like to learn more about it to be honest. Why someone can feel so great and positive and happy and then BAM! feel so helpless and sad and lost a short while later.
I'm becoming human again. Feeling real emotions. It's slightly scary yet comforting. To feel 'real' again. I have immense guilt and feel so selfish. That I'm not entitled to feel how I feel, it's not me going through this hell. My feelings are just a by product of the hell. I feel so shit. I cried driving home. I feel so useless and hopeless. Life is a fucking crunt sometimes. When things are awesome in my life, as they are now, someone else's life is shit. I feel guilt for that. It's stupid I know. I never feel like I deserve to be happy. Although that never is slowly, slowly dissolving.
_________________________
One thing from today:
I was/am proud of myself. I have a really bad habit of always talking in either the third person about myself OR talking in past tense. I AM proud of myself. Present tense.
I spent some time on the discussion board for my Legal Process subject I've just received 72% in for my assignment. It seems a lot of people received marks they aren't that happy with (including myself). However, it appears those who are not happy with their marks received the lowest they have to date...... some are third year students. Some people received marks in the low 20's. Plus the standard was high this year. So what does that say? It says that under the circumstances I've actually done quite well. I'm on the right track. I felt proud with what I achieved. Sure it wasn't what I wanted but if I'm really honest.... I could have done better and I know it. I know in my heart what I submitted was not an assignment worth 75% or more. What I received is about right.
I'm really enjoying my Legal Research and Writing assignment. I have to research the laws on international child abduction and provide a letter of advice to a 'client'. I'm really pleased with what I've got so far. I LOVE this aspect of the law. It's one of the reasons I'm doing the degree. The practical side of things is what I love and thrive on. Applying the relevant legislation to the situation. I can do this. So I'm really enjoying the assignment. Who knows if what I'm doing is altogether correct. If I don't receive at least 75% I will be bitterly disappointed. However, it's all a learning process and I can only learn from the mistakes I make.
_____________________________
On another note something in particular.... it just seems a bit odd. I always over analyse and with this I've not really thought about it too much. It just sits there...... at the back of my mind. It's probably nothing. But I'm not so sure.... I feel like
Something is going to happen.
Is it?
Monday, May 16, 2011
I gotta write a letter of advice. Do you think I can get away with Dear Lady, You abducted your kids! The courts say that's a no no. Sure your husband's a no good cheat but it doesn't mean you leave the country with kids in tow. The law says he's got rights too. Based on the common law you got no chance. Yours faithfully, future wanna be law graduate.
Concise, succinct, deals with the question of abduction. Plain English! I reckon I can get a B for that. For sure.
__________________________
It's going to be a full moon again soon. Sometimes things go a bit crazy around these times.
I feel a bit different lately, but good different. Like I've grown a little bit the past few months. I'm starting to wait. Instead of reacting so quickly to things. Just..... settle. Sit on it. Go about things differently. This doesn't mean I'm doing the right thing as opposed to a previous wrong. I'm just doing it differently. Consciously. It's a good thing. For me.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I'm really proud how hound dog went today. He got a bit grr grrr with a few dogs that I had to pull him away from - but he really is a dream. He's so friendly and placid really and he's fantastic with little dogs. He said hi to some bigger dogs- great Dane, saint Bernhardt (she was 7 months and just gorgeous), another bit one, some shepherds). He was so sweet with the daschunds, staffys little things, and there was this gorgeous little bulldog oh she was adorable I wanted to steal her. Raider liked her too. A young lad wanted to pat him so I taught the boy to hold his hand in front of R's nose to get a sniff and then he got lots of pats. Another lady with her husband sans dog (they lost their shepherd last year) wanted to pat him and we spoke for a few minutes. It was lots of fun. It was so muddy we were both covered. R started barking at the sheperds in the ring. Woops. Time for a walk around. He did so well. I heard lots of people saying 'that's a nice looking shepherd'. Yeah he is.
Raider and Argus above
These little dogs just loved Raider. One kept jumping up on him and R didn't care less. It was real sweet how a little one liked him so much.
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Raider and Argus above
These little dogs just loved Raider. One kept jumping up on him and R didn't care less. It was real sweet how a little one liked him so much.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
It's the little things......
I've only just seen this now. My lecturer replied to my post in the discussion board. It's put a smile on my face. I've also submitted this entry as part of my 'tutorial participation' component which is worth 10%. Nice to see I'm doing something right. *Happy smiles*
Author: Me! Date: Saturday, 30 April 2011 3:35:12 PM EST Subject: RE: Virtual Tutorial Topic 5 The differences are the different definitions of 'tradition' used by each Judge. Justice Olney viewed tradition to be unchanging and for native title to apply the laws and customs of the Yorta Yorta must remain the same as those practiced by the Yorta Yorta's ancestors. Olney J found that the traditional laws and customs had evolved and changed over the years and therefore tradition had been lost. Tradition had to be same now as those traditions practiced hundreds of years ago. Chief Justice Black however thought tradition should be looked at not from the past to the present but retrospectively. Black CJ does not think that traditions are lost altogether over the years, more that there are dynamic social aspects of the traditions that are maintained over time. There doesn't have to be a physical tradition per se for the actual tradition to still be upheld - it is the structures and socio-legal orders that maintain the tradition. I don't think it's whether Aboriginal people can prove continuity of tradition in a white court, it's more whether a white court will acknowledge that tradition is not something frozen in time, it's more something that exists and manifests itself within the culture where practices, laws and customs are still used through socio-legal orders , it's not about ritualistic dances being held to 'prove' tradition. Tradition shouldn't be looked at as a continual 'physical' entity but rather something that is followed and applied to the daily customs and practices of law, order and social engagement within the community. The example in Yammer v Eaton of Aboriginal men fishing with a motor boat and not wading through water with a spear does not mean that the tradition nature of the activity is lost. It is still a tradition for them to fish for food. The means by which they go about the activity does mean that the tradition is lost. |
Hi ******** A good response. You have shown that you understand what tradition means and how it ought to be applied. Greta |
Saturday, May 14, 2011
To dream that you kill someone, indicates that you are on the verge of losing your temper and self-control. Consider the person you have killed and ask yourself if you feel any rage towards him or her in your waking life. Your dream may be expressing some hidden anger. Alternatively, you may be trying to kill an aspect of yourself that is represented by the person killed. Identify the characteristics of this person and ask yourself which of these qualities you are trying to put an end to.
To dream that you have been killed, suggests that your actions are disconnected from your emotions and conscience. The dream refers to drastic changes that you are trying to make. There is a characteristic that you want to get rid of or a habit that you want to end within yourself. Killing represents the killing off of the old parts and old habits. Alternatively, the dream represents feelings of being let down or betrayed by someone in your waking life. You are feeling overwhelmed, shocked and disappointed.
I'm in the 90
This doesn't make me feel so bad. I'm in the majority. I'm currently sitting on 73% for combined marks for A1 and A2. I'm so close to a Distinction overall. Fingers crossed I can pull it off with my final assignment. *Here's hoping*
Hi all, I was asked for some guidance on the distribution of grades for assignment 2. I have finally had a moment to do this. The figures I have from Blackboard take into consideration Assignment 1 and 2 and they unfortunately do not quite fit nicely with our HD, D approach etc so I will leave it to your devises to convert, but for those interested these numbers may guide you a little. The average mark was a C+. Well done people, excellent work. Sixty odd students were marked between 50-69; around 90 students received marks between 70-79; 40 or so students got between 80-89 and there were a smattering of marks both above and below that. regards |
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Today was really good. Until I started questioning something (again).
I really want things to be happening. I feel stalled and stagnant.
I feel like good things are about to happen but If I'm looking the other way at that precise moment I'm going to lose it or miss out on it. It'll be gone and my chance will be gone and I'll be left lingering...
I know I'm not putting in 100%. I've only been doing enough to get by so I really can't be disappointed with the results I get in return. Be honest with yourself. My pride is taking a little bit of a denting. I am better, I can do better. I just haven't really applied myself that much. Perhaps the ego needs to be put in check huh? Take down the chip on my shoulder.
I can feel my insides coming alive again. I felt it today. Like I'm ready to burst.....
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
I am so great, I am so great!
Actually no, but I did find an answer that was eluding me for my assignment. No wonder I didn't have the 'answer' in the Act... it's because it's in the Regulations.... ohhhhhhhh. I found it all by myself too. Looking at catchwords in a case.... found it.
Seeing as I've made progress this evening I'm taking the rest of the night off. I might even have a shower to indulge.
I still keep questioning myself on this degree. Why? I'm not really sure. I know I have the ability. I just look at what I'm giving up. Then I think to myself 'but if I wasn't doing this degree, what would I be spending my time doing instead?'.
I was also thinking on the weekend that whilst I love my friends dearly I'm limited in my social activities. It would be nice to be one of those people out and about (almost) every weekend laughing and talking and meeting new people and being social and getting out and blah that seems to be what all the other hip cats are doing. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and I'm not ditching them.. but they're hooked up. We don't do these things. I don't have people to go to bars with. Even though I'd be driving I could still do that. Or is that just a fantasy world?
I need to expand.
_________________
I have a masterchef crush. Oh dear. Hey, it's the only 'reality tv' I watch. I like watching how people start off and see how they grow, I find it inspiring.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
I wrote to Raider's breeder about a week ago to let her know how he's going and to thank her for her efforts in raising such a lovely, beautiful, friendly and affectionate boy before coming home with me at 8 weeks. This is her reply:
Its great to hear from you. I really enjoy hearing from all our puppy buyers. Of course I know who you are and which one Raider was.....I am glad that he has turned out to be such a lovely boy. I must say that he is quite a nice looking boy too. When I opened the first photo of him running straight into the camera, he did make me glance twice. Very very nice looking boy. You know, thank you for your compliments regarding his temperament. We put a lot of effort into their first 8 weeks of life, to give them as much exposure as they can tolerate being babies, which gives them a great start, but the credit regarding his nature and temperament certainly lies with you dear, because its thanks to your ongoing attention and love that he has turned out to be something to be proud of. Job well done.
Please keep up the pictures because I save all of them when I get them. If you have a look at my website, you will see one of Raiders sisters went to New Zealand “Kanjelese dogs abroad” and she is doint very well in the show ring. If you don’t mind I would like to put Raider on the website.
What a lovely reply. I've never thought his temperament had anything to do with me. I've always thought he was born that way and it came down through his parents. His mum was very placid and friendly (ok he's not placid but she had a great temperament). His photos should be on the website soon. How exciting!
I've started to second guess myself. Not my actual ability but my answers. I question myself... this seems too easy... I must be doing it wrong... maybe it's a trick question. I've decided to go with my gut instinct. The more I think about something the more I'm likely to get it wrong. I know my stuff. It just feels like I'm getting the answer but how do I know that what I'm doing is the correct way to go about it? That the answer I'm getting is the right one?
I should know the results of my second assignment by the end of this week. I want to get at least 70%.
One thing about spending all weekend at home studying is spending time with R dog. I love it. I keep imagining another one running around with him. A slightly smaller black one, female. Maybe. See what else 'life' has in store for me this year. A love life would be nice. When it's right.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
So I have to be a grown up at the moment. Gotta take care of someone.
My brain is a wee bit wishwash at the moment. Silly things like spelling when I type..... oooh red underline.... and my short term memory is whoa! what's that again? I don't remember. Yeah it's pretty bad. I was doing better but it's gotten a ton worse. Perhaps these multi vitamins I'm taking aren't doing the job. I am certainly feeling more tired that's for sure. My last results showed low iron levels so perhaps the multi vitamin just isn't kicking enough in. I'll have to try a full dose of the stuff instead. It's 11pm and I should be red hot on the study but I'm so tired.
Although I'm rather pleased with what I have achieved so far on my assignment. I have answered 3 questions today out of 10. The other ones are more harder (*bites nails and looks distressed*) and I have no clue what to do. I might need someone at work to show me how.
Keep thinking about a second hound. If I was with someone (and I don't mean living with someone - I need my space and believe it's really important to HAVE space and independence of one another, none of this 'let's do everything together joined at the hip' (*runs for the hills*)) it would easier. Someone else to share the walking and outings. Maybe a girl next year. There's a breeder who does black coats - old GS style. They are so beautiful. Long coat for sure on the black ones. I don't know. Maybe it's just my way of entertaining myself through boredom or loneliness. Out of 35 years I've been in two relationships for 4 years and 9 months respectively. My future of love is looking real good isn't it. Ha! Like I care.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I did a swap today. G got Boardwalk Empire and she gave me Cloudstreet to read.
I think I'm getting better at the bad shit. I also function better at 30 not 20.
I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend of study. There are two gigs I should be going to but as I realised today.... going to the gigs is not going to get me the marks I need to pass my subjects. I'll have 3 or so weeks off in June. Until then it's study time. I decided to do this degree and make the commitment, I need to stick to it. Not keep going out because I think it's what I should be doing to please my friends. With all due respect, my friends aren't going to get me the marks I want. I'm going to do what I need to do, not what I think I should do too keep up appearances.
My distraction has meant I'm in no mood for further study or watching a doco. I want sleepy time to drift away into fantasy land. Although dream land has been really fucked up of late. I had ducks lying on the ground with bullet holes in their heads the other morning (or maybe they were geese, they were white and bigger than ducks, in the dream they were 'ducks' without actually physically looking like a duck).
Monday, May 2, 2011
Royalty in my Family
Family history.
One of my English family members was a Palace Guard. Yeah, one of those guys in the red uniform with the big black furry hats. Not bad I say.
My grandfather, my dad's dad was in the Royal Navy. He's pictured above second to the right in the back row. He died suddenly when I was about 7. His wife, my nanna was my second mum.
Seated in the front row, centre and just in front of my grandpa is King George VI. They've just made a movie about him too. It's called 'The King's Speech'.
Yesterday was a good day. I love it when I'm motivated. I have more confidence and I feel good. I walked the dog, food shopped, vacuumed, clothes/bed washed, cleaned the oven even! Went to footy, started uni readings again, made dinner, put new sheets and dooms cover on the bed. Busy busy.
Aside from all that boring shite I really like it when a stranger smiles at me. Just a nice friendly smile. I was walking out of Jolimont to the G and one of Meteo guys was waving his arms to show people where they needed to go. I looked at him an he saw me and smiled. I smiled back. Simple gestures like that, kindness really, warms my heart. perhaps it's an acknowlegement of my existence that I appreciate so much.
I booked a weeks holiday at Apollo bay in late Jan 12 today. 7 nights with the hound plus my ma and her partner and their dog. I know it's ages away (the dates we wanted were already gone) but I'm looking forward to it. plus hound dog will have a friend to play with for a whole week!
I can see what I can achieve if I put my mind to it and set goals. I just need to stick to it.
On my degree- one girl I met at my workshop is becoming my motivator. She's really great. I thought I was so behind and we're at the same stage so I don't feel like I'm doing everything backward. It gives me confidence to know she's at the same stage as me - I say this because she's real smart. I took notice of her skills the second day and thought she had yhe issues we were discussing down pat- or perhaps they were the same as what I was thinking so I liked her analytical skills. It gives me strength to continue anyway. If she can do it with two kids and working full time as well as finding time for her then surely I can do it too.
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Aside from all that boring shite I really like it when a stranger smiles at me. Just a nice friendly smile. I was walking out of Jolimont to the G and one of Meteo guys was waving his arms to show people where they needed to go. I looked at him an he saw me and smiled. I smiled back. Simple gestures like that, kindness really, warms my heart. perhaps it's an acknowlegement of my existence that I appreciate so much.
I booked a weeks holiday at Apollo bay in late Jan 12 today. 7 nights with the hound plus my ma and her partner and their dog. I know it's ages away (the dates we wanted were already gone) but I'm looking forward to it. plus hound dog will have a friend to play with for a whole week!
I can see what I can achieve if I put my mind to it and set goals. I just need to stick to it.
On my degree- one girl I met at my workshop is becoming my motivator. She's really great. I thought I was so behind and we're at the same stage so I don't feel like I'm doing everything backward. It gives me confidence to know she's at the same stage as me - I say this because she's real smart. I took notice of her skills the second day and thought she had yhe issues we were discussing down pat- or perhaps they were the same as what I was thinking so I liked her analytical skills. It gives me strength to continue anyway. If she can do it with two kids and working full time as well as finding time for her then surely I can do it too.
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